There are two kinds of love when it comes to a significant other kind of love. There is the experience of euphoria we associate with being in love, the experience of a rush of dopamine and serotonin in the brain, and there is the choice to open oneself up, to make oneself vulnerable in the hopes of achieving that euphoria in the future. It would seem irrational to expect to experience the feelings of euphoria we associate with love the entire time we are a part of an intimate relationship. But this does not mean we are not in love. If we choose intimacy, choose to continue to be vulnerable to that person, continuing to allow that person to cause emotional pain and pleasure, then we are in love. Therefore, to be in love is a choice. This is how two people can promise to “love, honor, and obey” for as long as they both shale live.
This kind of love requires trust to survive. Without trust, one may feel hesitant to make him or herself vulnerable. Each time one’s trust is broken, he or she may make the choice to trust again. This choice would seem necessary in order for an intimate relationship to continue. Still, at some point one party may become wary of the other party’s betrayal of trust. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on me. Fool me four times, shame on me…Fool me forty-six times, shame on me…Fool me one-hundred-thirteen times, shame on me.