12:31am, August 15, 2015

About once a year I go through a phase in which I feel ill and begin entertaining the possibility that this is the time for me to move on from this life. Ever since the tumor almost eleven years ago now, I have held the understanding that I am living on borrowed time. A friend recently expressed the opinion that I will live to be an old man. I loved her saying this, but do not love the idea. I am here to make a difference. I believe this time is a gift from the higher power. I try to live a selfless life, understanding that I will have no need to save for my future. This lack of fear requires a strong faith in what I am doing. And I am not afraid of the future in this reality or of the one to follow this reality. Still, once a year I start reviewing my effect this far. I started writing Letters From Limbo about 10 years ago. This writing experience changed my life in a most positive way. And when I start to show symptoms of recurring cancer, I find myself wishing for more time to change the world. As I near the publishing of my book becoming a reality in this world, I feel my purpose here may be almost done. If I go tonight, please spread my message of love. We are all connected. Love comes naturally and fear is the antithesis of love. We must stop being motivated by fear and start being motivated out of love. Love will bring us together, uniting us for the good of all. Fear will inspire us to save for ourselves, never understanding that becoming this change in our world will remove the need for us to fear. I’ve often battled with the idea that I will die alone. In trying to live a selfless life, I have lost many social connections. My perspective would seem to differ greatly from the perspectives others hold. I’ve often felt like an alien in this world. The irony in this is the fact that I have chosen this diversion from a “normal” life, from a life of living for myself. In spite of the loneliness that comes from such a life, I wouldn’t change it. It is more important that I be the change I want to see in this world. A better world is in reach. We just have to be willing to be the first to say we are tired of things as they are. I know that I will not die alone. I cannot. I am a part of you as you are of me. When I die, I will once again become a part of the greater network rooted in each of us. Some call this God. Some call this the soul. But this network is greater than any worldly words used to describe it. I love you all, because I am you. I look back at the many mistakes I’ve made and feel at peace with them. I am perfectly flawed. There is no reason to feel guilty for this. We are all perfect because we are all exactly who we are supposed to be. We are all one. And I love you all.

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