Selfishly Dream Alive

Give me those chemicals
Make me your animal
A goat in uterine wall
We machines alive

You and me
Your words like knives
Holding hands
Trauma past wives
We sleep and dream
Of things to be
Bloody faces
You and me
Flared nostrils
Mumble stutter
Eat me alive
Sweat and shutter
Remove repeat
Rebar ringlets
Like a glove or
Something that fits
Foreign flesh
Busy hands
Mammal cub
Slowing sands
Sharpened teeth
Hold on to dreams
Eyes stay shut
Or so it seems
Ribs retract, bend and break
What we are given and what we take

Give me those chemicals
Make me your animal
A goat in uterine wall
Selfishly dream alive

When I Stop Trying to Control It

Either this world was made for me or I was made by for it
Perfectly in my place, so easy to forget
Creating pain to paint with contrast to bliss
Blurring memory of all miraculous
As we breathe, and sleep, and hope, and dream, and be
Wonderful wonder of life alive, and perfectly me
I was made for all that I have known or will know
Every obstacle is another chance to help love grow
We were made to experience this splendor all around
A closer look sees seeds sprouting life out of the ground
Beautiful miracles in every breath we’re whole
Warm atoms sends a vibration tingling in my soul
When I stop trying to control it and just let it be
I am well enough for you to get back in the swing of things here

Goodbye Love

Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say Goodbye love
Goodbye
Just came to say goodbye love
Goodbye love
…
Most everyone here, I’ve met only once or twice. They loved her, but not like I do. On my knees, the wet grass is sure to stain my suit pants. The last time I wore this suit, was our wedding day. But I’m not thinking about the stains or our wedding. I’m focused on this gigantic hole in my heart, this empty, black space that was only so very recently filled. How can I go on without you? But to think of the future is not wise. Focus on the moment. Get through this. I’m not here. I’m disconnected. I can’t see straight. A steady stream of tears clouds my vision. It is cold today. You would’ve liked it. I squeeze bright green blades of grass between my fingers as I close my fist and I pull, collapsing onto my forearms. This, for some reason, reminds me of making love to you. I know I’ll never know that feeling again. The words of the song playing in my head are too real. I don’t want to say goodbye. I try to find the silver lining, some semireasonable twist as means to feeling okay. But all I can see in this moment is that emptiness in me. A kind pair of arms pulls me from the ground. Your mother’s face is red, her makeup running down her face. I’m reminded of your lipstick, how it never stayed in place for long. It was just as well. I couldn’t really kiss you when you were wearing it anyway. Oh, kissing you. It hurts so much just to imagine touching those lips with mine. Part of me still expects to go home and find you there waiting for me. But I haven’t been home in days. I don’t know if I can still call it home. It’s just an apartment without you. Goodbye love. Goodbye love. I just came to say goodbye love. Goodbye. You were, you are so perfect for me, my other half. I will find you again. Au revoir. Goodbye until we meet again.

Phoenix

When she looks back, she sees stale dreams caught in the rearview
Never the life she wanted
So hurt now, everyone is suspect
I hate you, Please don’t leave
She thinks I’m angry because she is
She begs for stability and then tears it apart
Please don’t ask me to forgive you
Because you know I will
So easy to leave the Band-Aid stuck
And watch infection spread
You know you are inside of me
And I know healing will hurt
Is it better to speak or die?
To let a dream or myself cease
I’ve said it’s not living if it’s not with you
But this is killing me too
Playing with fire I thought was mine
But we can’t keep a phoenix caged
For the love of Magnolia and for the love of Pi
I hope I find the strength to send this bird back into the air

Metsaema

I’ve lived here all my life
You make it feel like home
Who knew she held my wife
A pairing chromozone
Knew names for these colors
But never understood
Life of the light within
Open eyes feel so good
The mundane seems so new
A child’s iris sees
She will give me pupils
A magnolia tree
Your pain
Your ecstasy
I take it all into me
Your love
Your insecurity
I will not let you fall
Metsaema
Now you can sing off key
That voice could do no wrong
It sounds lovely to me
We’re painting our own song
The sky is of interest
Now because we can fly
Wings borrowed from angels
I’ve never felt this high
Passing over structures
I’ve known since I was nine
Looking down, my home town
Until now was not mine
Your pain
Your ecstasy
I take it all into me
Your love
Your insecurity
I will not let you fall
Your fear
Your bravery
Are now all a part of me
Complete
Now finally
In you, I found it all
Metsaema

Orange

I see you in vivid color
Physical sensations transcend the body
Deep into your eyes, orange, and green
Grey and blue like a sea at night
And I light up like a supernova
Swimming in the you that sleeps beneath this skin
A fire inside, aching to be known
Hear me now
I’ve always known you
I finally see you
More beautiful than I could’ve guessed
More elaborate than I could hope to deserve
Where dimensions lose relevance, I find my other half

Significant Otherworldly

I tattoo your name on my tongue
To block the ghosts of fractions past
I swim immersed inside your light
Coming slowly push on me fast
Accepting what is always was
Chemicals celebrate what’s known
This wholly life, my god, my wife
Blue and red light easily shown
Here is my heart
Here are the strings
I see your scars
And I give you rings
That life within
Brighter than day
Colors begin
We’ll namaste
Lover, mother
Bigger than this
Child of peace
Put aside “Miss”
Significant
Otherworldly
Old as sandskrit
Sans the Earthly
Significant
Otherworldly
She’s from the stars
Those that birthed me

With Colors Rains Love

Some slow train passing in the night
Scars paint like fireflies in our skin
Reds and pinks color secret light
We are heeling now from within
Anywhere you sit on dry land
Everywhere I hope to be
Another track layed in dry sand
I’ll find you sitting next to me
This continent – so very wide
The Atlantic seems wider still
Soon you will find me by your side
These colors all promise you will
With this shared light we paint the world
Colors truer than dogmatic
Rains bring floods to these desert lands
Love breathes old life into the ground

Puppet-Masters

I recently heard a friend make the claim that perspectives of the “white world” had inspired her to feel less attractive than she deserved. This beautiful woman of African descent said, as a child, she felt as though she were somehow less than because she didn’t look like the pretty “white” women on the covers of every fashion magazine. I do understand how an imbalance in power may see people of European dissent in positions of power and therefor catered to. Perhaps these wealthy “white” women more readily empathize with other women of European dissent. Or, perhaps it is just racism that inspires magazines to put a majority of models with European heritage on their covers. According to thefashionspot.com, 2017 was the first year Fashion magazines broke the 30% threshold for diversity on their covers (http://www.thefashionspot.com/runway-news/776179-diversity-report-fashion-magazine-covers-2017/). It is sad to me that this is even a statistic. I suppose one could say the issue doesn’t matter to me only because I am “white”, a part of the “white world”. But I never chose to be a part of this “white world”. I certainly don’t want to be blamed for the fact that my friends of African dissent statistically have fewer chances than my friends of European dissent. But I am told that all “white” people are part of the problem. It is unfortunate that racism still exists. It is unfortunate that our country has had such a troubled history when it’s come to racial inequality. It seems so incredibly absurd that the color of a person’s skin works as means to generalize about him or her. I believe there is no “white world”. There are only people with unique perspectives as products of unique personal histories. It is true that some who look like me cling to the seemingly archaic perspective that a person’s skin color may determine his or her wealth. But I am an individual with my own ideas about things. Why must I be lumped in with people who continue to express ignorant perspectives? I don’t care that just under 70% of cover models are what society would call “white”. I do care if this statistic is the result of racial biases. Until recent years, I thought we were so much further as a society. Ironically, a power-shift on January 20th, 2017 seemed to call out to those of us with limited perspectives to come out from hiding, to openly express their ignorance. But this division only works to keep us oppressed. So we watch those who are given a stage and pick our side, forgetting that our opposition works to give credit to their ignorance. We must stop fighting with each other. It is only when we see past the stage that we can see the puppet-masters.