It Ends With a Bus

When I was about 8 years old, my parents began depriving me of sex. Now I’m not stupid. I know many children never get to experience a sexual relationship with either of their parents, let alone both of them. This, of course, seemed crueler than anything my parents could have done to me – making children wait until the age of 13 or 14 to learn of this incredible way of connecting with others. And worst of all, providing such little guidance, making them learn from each other. Two people who don’t know how to do something would not seem to be well equipped to teach each other. Still, it seemed so harsh for my parents to cut me off, as they did. I knew it had something to do with this new church they were attending. My parents were becoming Catholic. I had heard the word before, from schoolmates whose parents also decided to become Catholic. Happenings inside the church seemed so foreign – stand-up, sit-down, eat a cracker, drink some grape juice. What was it all for? What was the point? It was important to my parents. I loved my parents, so it was important to me. At the behest of my father, I began volunteering in the church. I soon became and altar server, assisting the priest during certain parts of the service. I would arrive at church before service and leave, sometimes, well after. I found in father Bestia the love my parents had only recently begun withholding.

Flash forward 30 years, I was living in a fairly large city in Texas, with no income and no means of finding shelter. Still, life was good. I was blessed. I had a few women friends. They weren’t good for much other than a quick release. But that was all I really wanted them for anyway. I spent most of my time ogling the beautiful, young college girls who stayed in my city while attending the university. I had my favorite spots near campus. There was a restaurant not far from campus with an elevated floor. I liked to spend summer days laying on my back, looking up through the gaps in the stairs out front, taking mental photos of every hot, young pussy I caught a glimpse of. Thank God for mini-skirts.

I’d often hit on these voluptuous coeds. They rarely showed any interest, but that didn’t stop me from trying. They were all so gorgeous. As a result, I was indiscriminate. I often would try to strike up a conversation with girls as we passed on the sidewalk. On occasion, I would even hit on girls while their boyfriends walked along-side them. What did I care? Those little limp-wristed boys couldn’t do anything to me, a man. Sometimes I’d try to get a rise out of them. I especially liked fucking with interracial couples. On occasion I’d see a black boy with a black girl. But the black boys in my city seemed to prefer lighter-skinned girls. This was fine with me. I liked them of all colors and shapes. That just meant more black pussy for me.

The black boys gave the best shows of machismo before being pulled away by their fairer-skinned girls. But they were pansies like the rest of them. On one occasion, I went for the jugular. It was hilarious. I said to a young, white woman, who happened to be passing in the crosswalk with her black boyfriend in tow, “Hey baby! You wanna hook up?”. She said, in a rather offended tone, “Uuuh! This is my boyfriend!”. Then, without even thinking about it, I said, “That’s cool. He gets first pick of your holes. That leaves me with 2 more to choose from.” She held him from behind, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist as he got loud and started threatening me. I smiled and listened as she dragged him away. After they were out of sight, I chuckled to myself, shook my head, and continued on my way. Yes, life was good. If it wasn’t for the 202 Metro bus pulling through that very same crosswalk at a speed approaching 40 miles per hour, life would still be good. Oh, fuck it. Life was fun while it lasted.

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What Took Me So Long

I refuse to be a door matthew
I am not a falliday statue
Even as this mouth smiles at you
These lips speak the word “No”

Your breath smells of entitle-mint
Though I’ll still call you friend
I’m worth so much more than this
Not your means to an end
I know that you are damaged good
Oh well, a hole for now
But I can’t fill it with my love
Only you know how

For the first time in a lifetime I see
My love does not give you the right to hurt me
Undertow over fingers that won’t obey
The first step in many is to walk away
What took me so long to know I have a choice
What took me so long to hear my own voice
What took me so long to understand my worth
What took me so long

To love you is not to pretend
When misery doesn’t love a friend
Only so far now will I bend
Scratching feet that say “go”

I know that you are damaged well
I won’t be damaged too
My love wont wake you from your hell
That power is in you
Beautiful, also broken
I pray for your release
Hurt words angrily spoken
Here’s hoping you find peace

For the first time in a lifetime I see
My love does not give you the right to hurt me
Undertow over fingers that won’t obey
The first step in many is to walk away
What took me so long to know I have a choice
What took me so long to hear my own voice
What took me so long to understand my worth
What took me so long

I refuse to be a door matthew
I am not a falliday statue
Even as this mouth smiles at you
These lips speak the word “No”

Alright

Interactive energy

Over miles she calls to me

Come dance with me and smile back

This body in this body

Not a life

I’m alive

Separate, not forgotten

Distant child of peace

Constant wells of whole seashells

Broken and part of the beach

I’m alive

Not a life

A lie

I’ll not alight

Ode to the greatest number

The only number, one

Stardust old as anything

Life breath given from the sun

Not a life

I’m alive

A lie

I’ll not alight

I live alive

A love I live

Awake we find happiness

Elated we play all day

Breaking waves stir the shallows

Memory of mother’s bay

I’m alive

Not a life

A lie

I’ll not alight

I live alive

A love I live

I love our light

Alright

a/e

If I listen, must I blindly adhere?
If I look, must I pretend to see?
You and I both pray on my fear
As the “a”  starts to look like and “e”

Naysayers

Through the eyes of Isla, we see that Isla view
And when we see as Isla sees, there’s more for us to do
The life of teenage lovers who love untill life is done
Namaste in bed all day. We see that we are one

I can change your heart
You can change my mind
I know just where to start
Who knows just what we’ll find

All you naysayers sound like horses
We’ll be more than fine
I’ve got a long roll of tape
for the mouths of equine
This message is mine
Stars, we must shine
All you naysayers sound like horses

The perfect little scar lines paint memories in skin
These bruises mother uses to teach us where to begin
Nurses say go slowly. But we’re peeling off the plaster casts
It’s time to run. Yeah, let’s have fun. Who knows how long this life will last

I can change your heart
You can change my mind
I know just where to start
Who knows just what we’ll find

All you naysayers sound like horses
We’ll be more than fine
I’ve got a long roll of tape
for the mouths of equine
This message is mine
Stars, we must shine
All you naysayers sound like horses